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Lucyloo Died Today, July 24th,2010

She will be missed.


Janet F. Caires-Lesgold

There were times when I wanted to whop Janet (jfc013) upside the head for her stubbornness, but, for the most part, I found her endearing and quirky, someone that I often didn’t see eye-to-eye with, and yet I respected her right to her opinion and she respected mine (or tolerated mine, is more like it).

Janet won my respect when I emailed her with some concerns I had over how she was handling some online interactions and she didn’t take offense, heard me out, and even made a few changes to how she proceeded from that point forward. What mattered to me was not that she made those changes, but that she listened without jumping to conclusions and honored my intentions toward her, and you don’t find that every day in fandom or in the rest of the world for that matter.

I was honored to be part of Janet’s filter when she became ill and so I knew about the cancer long before many others did. She wanted to keep it private so that it wouldn’t impact how other people related to her online, but part of me always felt like that was a mistake. I felt like knowing that she was sick, knowing the kind of pressure she was under emotionally, helped me to really understand some of Janet’s more trying online moments and to have respect for her through them. When others were getting fed up and walking away, I knew that if they had the same information that I did, they would have stuck it out because in the scheme of something as huge as life and death, someone’s opinion over Lana Lang on Smallville truly didn’t matter.

Janet was brave and very strong. That’s no surprise to those who knew how stubborn she could be. She fought until the end. I know how much she wanted to live. There isn’t a week that passes that I don’t find myself thinking something like, “Janet will never know how Smallville or Supernatural ended” and finding that to be so wrong, so completely and utterly wrong, that I have to push the thought away and just keep on going with my life.

I saw a postbox in Charleston, SC that was in the image of R2D2 and I recalled that Janet had posted a photo of herself next to the same kind of box. She isn’t forgotten and never will be. I will always remember her and love her and wish for her more than she got in life, though maybe she had what she needed in the end. I hope so. Janet will be loved and missed by this poster.


I was trying to find a story about Sir Gawain and the Green Knight the other day and I thought I remembered it was by thamiris, so I went to her LJ and I didn't find it. But I did find lots of really good memories.

She wasn't a terribly prolific poster--weeks and weeks could go by without a new entry--but when she did, you knew it was going to be good. And then she didn't post for a long, long, long time and just about when I was starting to wonder if she'd wandered away for LJ for good, she showed up with some story about having cancer or something and not wanting to bother any of us with all that. I was so happy she was back and, y'know, I just assumed everything was going to be all right, she was getting better, she was posting again with all her former fabulousness and then...gone.

I never even met her yet I loved her very much.

For Trilly/Trillseekr

I knew her as Trilly, in Sentinel fandom. I could always count on her to engage me, amuse me, involve me. I benefitted from her many warm, cheerful e-mails. She sent feedback, she offered myriad small kindnesses, she participated actively in  the mailing list of Senad. She was part of the landscape. One of the pretty parts. One of the places you sit down and take your shoes off and make yourself at home, if you know what I mean.

In April of 2000, she made the choice to take her own life. The night before, she'd sent me feedback on a story, and hugs in an e-mail.

The young woman I knew through "The Sentinel"  was sweet as a teaspoon of honey. Rich and golden and natural.

I miss her, some days. I could always count on her for kindness when I needed it most.

I wish someone had had the right sort of kindness to help her, when she needed it most.

So here's to Trilly.


We see still waters,
never dreaming that there are
deep currents,
never realizing the drowning tide
that waits for each one us,

Your words flashed bright and sharp,
koi in a thoughtful pond;
I only ever glimpsed you from the
corners of my eyes but was

I hope, somewhere,
you are surfacing,
breathing deep
and free
and far
from the pull
of dark waters.


Susi Leinbach

I met Susi (scarlatti on LJ) in ST:TNG fandom, when she was just a wide-eyed neo. She had such a talent for drawing "toons" and a terrific sense of humor. I'm posting a few of her drawings here in memory; these were some of my favorites that I could lay my hands on. Later, we reconnected on LJ, and I'm so glad I had the chance to know her again. I'm finding it difficult to find words to describe how terrific Susi was, so (hoping it's okay to post pics) I'll let her art speak for her. Pictures!Collapse )

I miss you, Susi.

Joan Martin!

Joan touched many lives in fandom, and her legacy to many of us is as a warm, intelligent, and kind person, one who stood by her friends, a model for us to emulate.  Although I was by no means a close friend, I liked her so much and wanted to know her better.  I wanted to have an opportunity to shout her name at CI5 at midnight on New Year's with the others - and this is the closest I guess one can get to that.

In memory

I only knew cindershadow through her Live Journal. She seemed a gentle, thoughtful person, quiet and careful, and I understand, an enthusiastic editor of fan fiction as well.

She had the lovely habit of posting appreciations of her favorite fan authors' work on their birthdays.

She died very suddenly last year, and her sister has maintained her journal since then in memory. I still think of her with great fondness, and melancholy that I will never have the chance to know her better.

Jamie Hartman

I'm not sure actually when I met Jamie Hartman.  At least not on line. 

We were both fans of Marc Alaimo, the actor who played Gul Dukat on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.  I was just getting on line and had only a WebTV.  She and I had also met Jeannie Fudulla through his fan club. 

She was the oldest of the three of us, but we hit it off right away.  Jamie lived in Hawaii, Jeannie in upstate New York, and I lived on Long Beach Island, NJ.

Right about that time, the then president of Marc's fan club had to bow out of running due to life in general and offered it up to us to run.  Jeannie was going to be the president, I was in charge of the charity fund raising, and Jamie became the club's news letter editor and website master.  And we were to met face to face at the club's lunch in Anaheim, CA, just down the block from Disneyland (no lie!)

So, we flew in to LA.  Both Jamie and Jeannie could head out there before me, so I didn't meet up with them until I hit the hotel.  They had headed to dinner and were waiting for me at the restaurant.  I had no idea what any of the ladies looked like, but I found them with no problem!

We talked about the lunch the next day, Marc and his acting.  And tales of the area.  It seemed Jamie had grown up in Los Angeles, actually in the area around what is LAX now.  It wasn't then.  She told us stories of Hollywood, too.  One of the things she had done was be in the audience at the very first taping of I Love Lucy that had a live audience! 

She also told us about the protests when they plowed the neighborhoods around LAX down.  That the song "They Paved Paradise" was a protest song about that. 

We had a great time the next day.  And the day after that, we drove up north of LA to have lunch at Marc's restaurant (he was part owner) and she gave a bit of a tour as she drove.  Even took us to the beach, so we could see that, yeah, it really looked like that.

Sometime after that, she had a falling out with her family in Hawaii and she moved to Astor, Oregon.  She loved it there.  But was still as crusty as over.  She worked for a bit on a local radio station.  Played bingo with her neighbors every Monday in the building she lived in.

Jamie passed away in January, 2001.  Part of the reason I don't that year.  She had a heart attacked while reading.  When she didn't show up for bingo that Monday night, a friend checked on her and found her.

Her family didn't want or couldn't help with her funeral costs.  So we, her friends, got together to have her cremated as she wanted and her ashes scattered in the Pacific Ocean. 

I miss her a lot.  And very time I hear "They Paved Paradise", I think of her.  And imagine that she did manage to get into a fish of some sort.  And is still waiting for Marc Alaimo to go swiming in the ocean so she can swim up to him and bite him on the butt. 

Let the wake begin.

If you're a pagan-ish type, it's coming up Samhain, which is when the veil between worlds thins, and you remember your dead. If you're Mexican, it's Dia de los Muertos.  For others, it's  the end of the year, either coming up or just past. However you approach it, it's a good time to remember those who've died. There have been a few lost in fandom the last year. More than a few in the last few years.

So, start a post about someone. Share your stories, memories, what you miss, what you mourn, what you celebrate. Share snippets and thoughts and prayers and whatever else you've got.

Be kind.

Find joy in the remembering, if you can.

The only rules? You have to be a member to post, to prevent anonymous posting. If you wish to post but can't, you can e-mail it through mz_bstone @ livejournal.com and I'll post if for you as I've time.


Virtual Candle, should you wish one: